The story of nesting

I think nesting is in our genes. We, as women, are genetically inclined to nest. To create a nice, cozy home where we can fuss around with our family and friends. There is something incredibly relaxing about returning home and putting your feet up on your couch. It is extremely fulfilling to whip up meals for your near and dear amidst friendly banter. And it is contentment you feel as you relax in your favorite spot with a book in hand or sit in your balcony with a cup of tea or a drink in hand.

The mere fact that I feel all the above makes me feel that I am indeed a woman. I like all the above things. I like my space to be all the above. And that’s when it becomes home for me. And home is the most comfortable place for me.

It is one of the primal needs for a human, according to me. Food, Sex and Home are the most important things that drive many of our behaviors and it’s the way its evolution intended it to be. Good so far.

It’s the rest of the stuff that comes with nesting that I don’t get.

A wise man once told me that settling down is for rocks. As I listened to him utter those words and shrug nonchalantly is when I realized that he spoke my mind, something that I had never realized I actually felt. Settling down feels scary. Settling down reminds me that I am committed. Settling down means I have a chance to become complacent. Settling down might mean I might not push my boundaries. Settling down , or rather the fear of settling down has been a very important fear/emotion/feeling for major part of my adulthood, driving most of my decisions. As much as I like home , calm and peace, I have never been able to imagine myself settling down. Anywhere. I’ve always been the person who enjoys the moment as it is and keeps reminding herself that this is not permanent and that I shouldn’t fall in love or be afraid of the moment. At least, I try. And oh yes, I married the wise man. That’s the only kind of long term commitment I’ve allowed myself to get into, getting married, that is.

Accumulating stuff. Now this is something related to settling down for me. Makes me feel like I am committed to something. Something I might not be able to change. A fear of loving all these material possessions. And having to move with it all. What would I do if it doesn’t fit the back of my car? From the 22yr old who carried all her possessions in two duffel bags and moved to a strange new city to the 25 yr old who had to pack all her possessions in a suitcase to move to her marital home to the 30 yr old who gave away all her favorite books to move to her ‘dream’ house to the 33 yr old who wanted to shake up that dream , the goal had been to not accumulate stuff - Stuff that I don’t need to function in my daily life, with all its luxury. Stuff that has no utility value and exists only for aesthetics, or the stuff that I love so much that I shudder to imagine existence without it, or stuff that I am scared others will damage.

The fear had always been that I’d be tied down to the stuff and I wouldn’t be able to move ahead. Where ahead, I don’t know myself. Don’t ask me. Now, this is the fear that’s been driving most of my life decisions.

From the person who never wanted to even buy a dining table because it felt ‘sooo married’ , I’ve accumulated a lot of stuff, thankfully, all of it dispensable. And that is going to be the goal, at least till I find the next thing that I fear the most! Or value the most. Whichever way you look at it!

Now, don’t ask me how many clothes or bags or shoes I have. That’s for looking good. That’s for myself. Not for the world! :)

That first moment in love…

Can you remember it? The first moment you realized you were in love? Think about it for a moment. Just humor me.

Did you smile to yourself? Did you wish you could relive the moment? Did you just do that little trip down the memory lane? It is a beautiful trip, isn’t it?

That first instance when you realized you love the person you are with. And that its not just like, and you want to be with that person more, may be a lifetime. And you more than just like everything about that person.

There is something about this feeling that warms the heart, no?

That instant when he peered at you through the mesh of his long fingers sheepishly . Or the moment you saw the moon and him in the same frame and thought , this is it. Or when you lean on to him in a moving train and look at the moon together , and sing songs familiar to you?

Yeah, I cherish those moments. They make living fun. :-D

Writer’s block and what not…

Oh, what a joy it is to finish reading a book you've loved. And yet, what a pain it causes in your heart at having finished it. A deep, numbing pain, and a wish that the book has a sequel . Or may be there are some pages of it left unread somewhere. And the hope you have as you are nearing the end, hoping it doesn’t end, hoping all goes well with the characters you've so grown to love and hoping that there is some more, just a little more.

Yes, I am still in the hangover of this feeling. I just finished reading a book I thoroughly enjoyed and felt, and as I hit the 100% mark, I felt the longing and the wish that there was some more of the book. I wanted to share it somewhere. The husband understands perfectly how I feel , the passionate reader that he is, but I wanted it to be some place more permanent. And that’s when I realized I have a blog, a place I love yet something I've neglected a lot in the past few months. A place which I've stopped visiting myself because I felt bad at having neglected it. Writer's block, you see. :-)

But if I didn’t write now, after having gone through an emotional upheaval and not expressed it here, I figured I would never return to writing, a love more than a hobby of mine of sorts.

I've been good. Life's been good, and I've been jolly with it. The same old stuff that I'd say to a friend I haven't spoken to , in years. But here I can be honest, can't I? :-)

So here it is. I've been jolly. Life's been good. And this probably is the most fun I am having since I can ever remember. And I can only remember fun times, except when I am feeling melancholic and digging deep into the memory troves for something that will be make me sad. Oh, there are quite a few of those. Things that make me sad with regret. Or those that make me sad with nostalgia over times that were very good. Or people that I love but don’t talk to any more for some unknown reason. But I stay to this statement - this is the most fun I've had in a long time.

Growing old feels good. I haven't still figured out what clothes look good on me, or how to make my hair behave all the time. Or what shoes to pair with what clothes. But this realization has made me feel calm, and accepting of my my-ness. The small town girl who never figured out how some of this stuff works. And that I like. But yeah, most times I wish I knew what to pair with those electric blue colored peep toes that I bought on an impulse. The feeling passes off in a while, and I safely return to my safe old pair of jeans, and slippers.

So yeah, growing old feels good. I don’t have to impress anyone with my looks, coz I know I am smarter than the way I look. And that realization is what I like. I know what I like in food now, what kind of alcohol I prefer and what I will do if there is no one around me. I have grown lazier , and I like it that people around me don’t complain about it. I have grown more stubborn , and I realize I have to work on it. I have begun to understand my strengths , especially at work, and I know I don’t use them all the time. And I am comfortable in this knowledge. All of it.

I realized that I am a butterfly when it comes to hobbies and they keep changing. This realization made me feel oddly comfortable. Now I don’t have to berate myself at not having blogged more at my Food blog, or not having cooked more for friends or not pursuing that knitting hobby.

Weekends are fun. No single weekend passes the way I intend it to pass, and I like it. The husband and I talk often about how much we wanted our weekends to be like how they are now, and we are glad that we are living it now.

Weekdays are fun too. I like what I do. Strangely enough, I wait for Mondays on most days, and ask myself what I've been doing all along before this, and why I have postponed having fun so long. Yeah, I like the work I do, the people I work with and the stuff I do when am not working at work.

It's not all as rosy as I project it to be. No one's life is. But I choose to overlook the not-so-rosy parts.. There is nothing that a little bit of good company , some optimism and some detachment can’t cure. For everything else, there is always my purple couch!

Gratitude Giving

So, I've been tagged to post 3 things am thankful for , for the next 5 days.
This is going to be generic, and not just for this day, coz I have a lot of things am grateful to the Universe for, and my moment of epiphanies cant happen in the middle of a busy day . :-)

Gratitude - Day 1

1. As sappy as it sounds, I am grateful for having found love. And it really makes me feel complete.
2. I am glad that I have t...he opportunity to talk about self-actualization, feminism, freedom and all other stuff like this. I think about what keeps me going often, and I try to work on that. I am grateful that I get a chance to follow my heart, very often. And I can do all of this because all my other basic needs are taken care of, which I cannot thank the Universe enough for.
3. I am very glad that I have a choice. I have a choice at everything I do, at work, in life and in general. And I exercise it. Even if I am lounging on my couch for an entire day watching a silly sitcom or if am toiling on my computer for 14 straight hours or I spend the entire night reading a book and crying over the characters, I do it only after I have asked myself if I want to do it. 80% of the times, at least.

Gratitude - Day 2

1. Hyderabad - I am so glad Hyd is home. I am always so happy to be back home, more so if am coming from a city like Bangalore where going anywhere is a nightmare.
Yes sir, please keep your weather and weekend destinations. I love my petrol, time and spontaneity more. And oh, I can safely talk about my environmental consciousness. ThankYouVeryMuch!...
2. Coconut oil - For the way it makes my idli with mango pickle taste. For the way it makes the complexion of my people glow. For its aroma and for everything. It has the power to lift my spirits instantly!
3. Technology - Not just because I earn my bread and butter thanks to it. But because of the incredible things it allows people to do. Starting from making it easy for my computer-illiterate Dad to operate his smartphone like a pro to making an otherwise seemingly tech-savvy person like me be constantly in awe of its capabilities. [I just made my first ever Skype call and yes, am in awe :-)]

Gratitude - Day 3

1. Friends - all those who accept me as they are and surround me with so much love, the ones that make me want to be a better person, those that teach me that I can make and keep friends, especially after I've given up on the idea of new friends, coz you know, we are all growing older and the older you are, the harder it gets to make new friends.
2. The things around me that enable me to stay without internet for hours - I know, its hard to believe for most, but I do stay without the internet and my email for hours.
Am either deep inside one of the books, or having fun with people I like without putting it on FB or Twitter, or am just lying on my couch doing nothing.
And it keeps the asocial side in me still love the world and the people in it, and return from my shell full of smiles ! :-)
3. My Family - For just letting me be. In all ways. Especially when families in India are known to pressurize people into doing things they don't want to do and being people they don't want to be, I feel super glad that my very orthodox family, every single member I am related to, is letting me live my life the way I want to.

Gratitude giving - Day 4

1. India - I am glad am in India. And that am an Indian. Yes, things dont move as fast in India. We have a ever-growing population and limited resources. We have a very laidback attitude towards human life and things in general. But at least, am not in China. Or in Congo. Or in Gaza. Or with Boko Haram. Women in this country aren’t in a happy place right now, but I don't ...feel unsafe. Scared, yes. Worried, definitely. But unsafe, never, not yet.
2. My Bamboo plants - If there is just one thing that will instantly make me happy and smile in my house, it’s those tall Bamboos of mine. Truly, the only material possession of mine I truly love. I have a lot of twisted bamboos plants around the house, and the tallest of them are more than 6' 3" (taller than the husband!)
Yes, there is a short story behind them which nearly everyone who visits the house gets to hear, and that's what make these bamboos special.
Oh, and yes, they make me feel that I can really take care of living things. :-)
3. My workplace and the culture here - It wasn’t just a career choice, it is a lifestyle change. It keeps me grounded and has gotten me an opportunity to see some of the smartest people I'll ever know, at work. It reminds me every day that I'd rather be a mediocre person among a bunch of smart people than be the smartest one among a group of mediocre blokes. And has given me a motivation to push myself every single day. I don’t think I’d be the same person I am today had it not been for all these years I spent here. Some people like this new me, some don't, but it suits me just fine.

Gratitude giving - Day 5

1. Vipasana - Well, what can I say about the difference this has made to my life. Not only is this a form of meditation, this is a way of living, and taking those 10 days to do it certainly is one of the best things I've done for myself. You will still see me freak-out for things, but those instances are reducing day by day. Well, no one is perfect, no? ;-)

2. Books - For me, book reading is not just a hobby anymore. It is something that I do, along with eating and breathing, things that keep me alive. From introducing me to things and worlds I never knew existed to influencing some key thoughts in my life, books have been everything. I've not known how to be a non-reader, and I don't think I'll be one too.

3. This is a tough one, and there are two contenders -
a. Hand-sanitizers - For the slightly OCD-ious me, these bring peace of mind, without a background thread polling on all the different places a particular thing must've been. [And the husband insisted I add this to my list, which brings me to the next item on my list :-) ]
b. To-Do lists - They let me live my life, and as annoying as it is to me and everyone around me, these lists let me get stuff done. And technology (Thank you OneNote!) has made it easier for me to keep my lists in sync so I am not anymore dependent on those yellow stickies.

2013 and a 2014 look ahead…

It has been a good year, all in all. Can’t complain on any front since life’s been good. Did a couple of things, some personal achievements, some holidays and a lot of activity. And am thankful to Providence for each of these things!

For starters, we did what I never thought we would. We sold the apartment which I initially thought was our dream house, and had never intended to leave for anything in the world. Turns out our feelings weren't strong enough, and we fell out of love with the house , sold it , and moved on from it physically , emotionally and mentally, all in no time at all. The pretext was to buy a bigger apartment, which we didn’t in the end, but I guess we were both ready to move on from that old apartment. One of the most impulsive yet very well turned out decision of our lives, I must say! I thought I’d be insecure without my own house, but the bigger realization was that we were both nomads deep inside, and the obligation of not paying an EMI made us realize that we like this life better than anything else. It makes me feel free, unattached and gives me the independence to do anything I want, which I wouldn’t trade for anything! We rented a larger apartment which brings us closer to our goal of having a better social life, we spent a bomb in doing up this apartment, and are happy! That’s what matters, right!

We, the husband and I, took a hard look at how close we are to our target-retirement-assets, during the whole real estate transactions and figured out that we were both close and yet far from it, which was a good revelation to have. That makes the money goals quite clear, and we both know what we are working for, and towards. A good place to be in!

Work has been good. There is a very welcome job change, something that teaches me something new every day. And am more clear in what I want to do with my work life – To work for passion, not for money. On that note, here’s one of the most impactful lines I read this year, something that made me change quite a few things in my work life, and is currently my work signature -

When you look back at yourself six months from today and don’t feel embarrassed by your naiveté, there’s a problem. That means you’re not learning, growing.

And the decision to not have children still continues. We still are asked the same old questions about children and why we don’t have one yet, but they have decreased a lot. Either people are growing sensible or we are developing a thicker skin. Parents have accepted that we have a mind of our own, and have stopped expecting a grandchild from us. Once we got to this point, both of us have become quite open and aren't shying away from telling people that we are childless by choice !

I got a tattoo this year, my second one. Based on Impermanence, I have the line ‘Sarvam Anityam’ inked in Devanagari lipi on my wrist. Its such a pretty tattoo that I still stare at it lovingly, a full 3 months after I got it done! The lines mean what I believe in strongly, and what I try to practice every single day of my life, yet to not much success. This line also reminds me what Vipasana taught me, and how I should be detached from everything and yet be attached to everything! Unlike my first tattoo, I wasn’t scared of this second one. I was looking forward to it, I had thought about the lines a long time ago, and this was like an craving I had to crave in to! Here it is…

A great holiday happened. In fact, two great holidays. One was our regular annual vacation to Goa, where all we did was take long walks on the pristine white beaches (yes, there are a few of them even now in Goa) and drink bottles of port wine. The other was a dream vacation to Greece. It was originally planned as a getaway vacation, but I added a fitness goal to it and made it into a hiking holiday, something that worked out so well, that am now inclined to take up atleast one activity based holiday per year! There was one other vacation that happened towards the end of the year, but that wasn’t even one. It was intended to be a annual reading holiday, but turned out to be a driving holiday. We got to Mudumalai, took one look around at our surroundings, realized we were too bored by that place, and drove back to Hyderabad the next day! Just an example of how we are letting our impulses take over these days… its like the older we grow, we have more freedom! :-D

To gear up for the hiking holiday, I took up working out, something that I had never done before. Found a great instructor who is making me realize every single day what I am capable of doing with my body, and what I could do if I realize its full potential, and how my body reacts when I abuse it with crappy food. What we do is programmed strength training, and am now all set to have a few fitness goals for 2014. On that note, healthy eating has also increased. This year, even the husband has been nice enough to play along with me in eating the millet-heavy diet am laying on his table!

Read quite a bit, though not as much as I wanted to. 76 books in one year is a good number, but its not as good as 122 books in an year , no? Blogged a bit. Did a very taxing month-long project where I posted one salad recipe per day. Gave one health based talk at a hospital. Got mentioned in a newspaper, thanks to a friend who was writing the article. Did one photo shoot for someone, for which I didn’t get the credit. Yeah , yeah… lessons are always learnt!

Friends… where shall I begin and where shall I end. Without being too sentimental, let me just say in one sentence what I feel about the people in my life. I am truly thankful to God (am almost an atheist, so that’s saying a lot!) for all the delightful people in my life today, every single one of them. I might not meet them every single day, some I haven't met in months, but all of them that matter are still a part of my life. Over the years, I’ve figured out that I need to keep away from people who don’t add a positive influence to my life, and have been largely successful too.  Guess that’s one of the perks of growing older… you discover whom you like to hang out with , you discover your own self via the people you are with. And yet again, am truly truly thankful to each of my friends. And I hope to be as good a friend to them all as they are to me. Like I always tell the husband, we must’ve done something right in our past lives to be blessed to be around such wonderful people.

2014 brings with it a lot of plans, decisions, goals and hopes!

There is an obligatory fitness goal, which I intend to reach this year. Yes, there’s nothing better than fitting into less sized clothes, and smiling as people ask you if you’ve lost weight.
I’ll hope to read to at least 50 books this year. Unlike my old apartment where it was only me and the husband, there is a thriving social life in this new place that we moved into. So anything more than 4 books a month would mean that am missing out some good girlfriends time! :-)
May be another tattoo, but am not sure. :-)
Take my food blog a little more seriously. And invest in it. On that note, take my food photography a little more seriously too. Both of them need a lot of TLC!
Meet more of my old friends. Meet more new interesting people. Keep people who don’t mean well out of my life.
Take more holidays, one every quarter, may be! ;-)
Keep working for passion!
Hang out more with the adorable daughters and sons of my friends. And with those wonderful nieces and nephews am gifted with!

Lets hope that the Universe lets me follow each of these plans through this new year. And wish you all a very happy new year! :-)

Tough decisions…

Yep, only when you have to make them do you realize that you are indeed a grown-up. And that life is not how it was when you were Daddy’s little girl, you’d run to Daddy and tell him the problem and expect it to be solved in the next minute. Or pick up the phone and talk it out with Mommy, and expect her to solve it for you. Well, when you grow up, more often than not, you discover you cannot even discuss many of your dilemmas with your parents. That’s the downside of being a grown-up, I feel.

I will take a slight digression and mull on how much watching Gilmore Girls again made me miss my Mommy. And how many times in the middle of an episode, I would pick up the phone and talk some random stuff with Mom, not the usual, how are you doing, did you take your meds, no, I cannot visit you this weekend etc. Yeah, I realized that watching the show made me grow closer to my Mom, reminisce all the moments I spent talking to Mom when I was staying at home, and how we are still close, except that we now don’t see eye-to-eye on most topics. Watching the show has also made me understand Mom more, understand how she would’ve felt when she saw her kids leave home, how she dealt with the empty nest syndrome and how she is coping with it even now… Well, as I said, I digress.

Back to the decisions, it sucks, doesn’t it. To be all grown-up, with the whole world expecting you to know what you want in life and how to get it. To have to deal with all your problems without support. To be an adult, pay bills, make plans etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for independence, but I sometimes get nostalgic about the irresponsibility, of depending on someone else to get your stuff done and of having to pick up the phone and just expect problems to be solved. Yeah, I chose this world, and as much I whine about it, I want this. I want to be able to decide what I want to do with anything I would like, and how things have to be dealt with in my life. Makes me feel all super-powerful.

It only stinks when I have to prioritize. When I have to decide what I want to do over something else I want to do. Its the difference between ‘want to do’ and ‘have to do’ that bugs me, and by what I see around among all the adults I know (those who don’t want to be adults but have to be ), its a problem all of us have.

I just made one of such tough decisions. It was between what I want to do, and what I have to do. Have to do is pretty important stuff and yes, it keeps me happy. Want to do is something I always wanted to do. An option I wanted to explore as an alternate career. Something I wanted to do when I grew bored of my Have-to-do stuff. Something that was my cushion. I thought I could do both of these, I am a super-woman after all , just that it turns out I am not. Deadlines in both these areas of work, and I figured out I will have to let the want-to-do go away. I cannot screw up with my have-to-dos, can’t I? And so, I decided to take a shot at want-to-do when I am more relaxed with my have-to-do.

I know I am going to regret this decision, moreover opportunities do not keep coming. And so this will get filed under the Missed-Opportunities list I am maintaining. This might even be a Dear Diary moment, for me to look back when this list grows too big because I will forever be busy with my have-to-do. Sigh. Sometimes, at very very rare times, being an adult sucks. Coz I alone am responsible for this decision, no?

Books… the impact!

 

Needless to say, books impact our lives a lot. I also believe that books shape us, our characters and a lot on how we think about many aspects around us. That is why being well-read was a very important trait for me. The ONE thing I was particular about my life-partner even as a young girl was that the boy I would marry would be well-read and should be able to talk and hold conversations on books. If not anything else, we’d at least never run out of topics to talk about.. :)

I am a huge fan of Haruki Murakami, his books, his style of writing (with due credit to his translator)  and the world he weaves in his stories. I’ve learned a lot and read up a lot after finishing each of his books because of the many references he gives to many topics in his books, all those that he likes or he draws his inspirations from. So when his 1Q84 was due for release last year, there were a lot of articles on him, his living, his books and his inspiration for 1Q84 itself and the various things in the book that he refers to. First and foremost on the inspiration list was that he titled the book on the lines of George Orwell’s 1984. Now, until then, I’ve obviously read and heard a lot about George Orwell but was never compelled enough to go and read his books. But to read and understand and to not miss a single reference that Murakami would give in 1Q84, I decided to read 1984. This is first of the many things I did in 2012 to gear myself up to read 1Q84. Yes, that is/was how important it was for me to understand the book and Murakami, and the book. I am currently reading this book, but more about this later, in a separate post which this book totally deserves.

Now, 1984 – from the minute I finished reading this book, I cannot tell in how many ways this book has impacted my thinking. From the outline of it, its not a great story. Its set in a dystopian society ruled by a dictator where people are forever forced to think in a certain angle. Obviously, the setting is brilliant, the story telling is awesome but what’s more awesome is how this book has been in my thoughts forever. Every time I think of past, and how I would like to change it, like the old photographs on my food blog, or the posts on this blog, or changing certain aspects in my Facebook Timeline, I cannot help but think that I am trying to change history, one of the most important points of 1984. Its shocking how deep an impact the book has made, because of all the things that have crept into popular culture from this book, the only thing that stuck to me is trying to change history. Trying to change history is trying to change who we are, and in effect changing our own identity. This thought has dawned on me only from the book.

And that is how I began to think of all the books that have impacted me , changed the way I think about certain things and shaped the person I am today.

First and foremost on that list is Gone with the Wind and Scarlett O’Hara. Every time I think of survival, I think of Gone with the wind, and how Scarlett survives the war and saves her family and those around her. Its the image of Scarlett stomping her feet and saying – I’ll live through this day, and when I do, I’ll take care I’ll never have to see a day like this forever, this is the image that will never leave me, and come to my mind every time I see a challenge, or something that might weaken me.

I am a huge Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling fan, but what I love best about this book is the image of love it has created in my mind. To me, all the 6 books are a prelude to a beautiful love story which unravels itself in Book 7, when Snape wants to look into Harry’s eyes as he dies. Also, when I think love, the one other book that I can never forget is Love in the time of Cholera, and the image of a young man being turned down in a market and resolving to win over the girl some day, even if he has to wait for it for a lifetime.

Love is a vast subject, there are various angles to it, and it is one of the most written about topic too, but there are some books which stand out. Always. Like Wuthering Heights, for example, which will forever evoke an image of a doomed love in my mind. Ralph Fiennes had a lot to do with this, but the image of the enraged Heathcliff and headstrong Katherine will never leave my mind if I were to think of love, and the pain it causes. Oliver’s Story , and the image of Oliver Barrett running by the river Boston and stopping, heaving is an image of a  young man who has decided to live the reminder of his life thinking about his love, Jennifer. Also , Gatsby’s crazy neurotic love and the things he does for it create another irrevocable image when the talk of love comes up.

From the time I’ve read up on Communism, I’ve been extremely interested in it. How it is implemented, how it affects the people living in that country , are they happy or not and such questions have always been on my head, but nothing answered them better than Orwell’s Animal Farm and Rand’s We, The Living. So now when I whine about the lack of freedom in India to not think of Sachin Tendulkar as God, I cannot help thinking about Stalin’s Russia, where it was not allowed to think about certain things. That was where a deep sense of wanting to have freedom of thought has arose in my mind, and now if I value ONE thing in my life, it is the Freedom of Thought, something that guides many of us in many directions.

The word ‘Charity’ always brings up Atlas Shrugged in my mind’s eye. This probably is THE book that has a deep influence on how I think about a lot of things around me, and one that is responsible for me being so opinionated. Charity should never be forced, individuals should have the freedom to do what they want to do with their money, and it is completely okay to be selfish and do the things you want to do because you love to do them, and not for the greater good of mankind – Atlas Shrugged, Hank Rearden, Dagny Taggart and John Galt are single-handedly responsible for these opinions I hold in highest regard, some of the most important thoughts I have.

I think of depression and I feel Sylvia Plath haunting me from inside the Bell Jar. I think of being alone or feeling lonely and I think of Ursula from 100 years of Solitude. I think of Power and Family and Don Vito Corleone emerges in my vision with people kissing his hand. I think of making deals or negotiations and I see the Don making an offer people can’t refuse thus teaching a valuable life’s lesson. When I am waiting for the husband to come home, I cannot help but think of Penelope and her long wait for Ulysses as she is weaving her shroud. The words impact and influence come to my mind and I think of Prabhakar, Sara and Khan from Shantaram, another of the books that I hold in highest regard.

When I think back of the days I was growing up, all of them have the same memory – me reading a book on an easy chair, in the dark with a torchlight on, in bed in my room after I moved away, walking back from the library after picking up a book to read that night , in short of most of them are about books. Back then, I did not know what kind of books I loved, or what it was about the books that made me read them so voraciously. I hadn’t even identified my favourite authors then, and I was game to read just about anything.

One of the many perks of growing up and growing older is wisdom, and awareness. Its like I’ve suddenly become aware of what books I like, the genres I enjoy reading, and the authors I like. This has been a life long process and I keep discovering everyday now, but for the past couple of years, the books I’ve read and the ones that have stuck have adhered to certain simple subconscious rules.

The book/author should teach me something new, be it a concept or a part of history or introduce a new thought. I should have enough material to read up on the aspects mentioned in the book, thus giving me a scope to expand my horizon of thoughts and opinions. Magic realism , dyrstopia or fantasy should be an underlying theme, if there was a love story in it, its a bonus. If I get to do a time

New Home, and some Thanksgiving!

Yep, for me, Thanksgiving has come a little early. :-D There is a long list of people I have to thank for something big on this blog!

Did you notice the URL of my food blog – www.themealalgorithm.com?

Yes… I bought the domain – TheMealAlgorithm.com, mainly because I wanted to know how it feels to have your own domain, what with everyone having one of their own, and I having no clue on how to go about it. Well, for starters, it feels great. :-D Its been two days and I haven’t been able to get over it till now. :-)

There was some major confusion, cluelessness and mayhem before I actually bought the domain. I wasn’t sure how to start about it, and what to do and all. GoDaddy.com was recommended by everyone, but when I actually was about to buy the domain off it, there was some problem with the payment options, and I had to cancel my order.

Then I asked Nags of Edible Garden [which you should totally check out if you want to understand the nuances of food photography. Check out her blog for the tips. I did all my prop-shopping after reading how she uses her props] what she did for her domain. After talking to her and figuring out if I can host the domain on Azure, I went ahead and bought the domain from Google, which again was powered by GoDaddy.com, but the process was easier.

And then came the problem of the template. All the food bloggers’ templates I like are based on white, and I knew that was what I wanted too. But my non-existent HTML and web-designing skills didn’t let me pick and choose any template I wanted and could customize. After checking atleast ten different templates and trying them all on the blog and not liking any, I turned to Twitter. I asked for folks how they design their blog templates, and got plenty of help.

All of these guys helped me with template options, on how to customize the blog or a suggestion on how to go about getting a domain and I took the ones that applied the most to me.

Anita Menon
Mala Bhargava
Amit Agarwal
Saleem Pheku
Rads
Monika Manchanda
Shripal Gandhi
Maxdavinci

Thanks a lot, guys!

I went with Madhu’s suggestion of starting with a plain white template, and customizing it the way I wanted. And it worked great. Atleast I love my blog template, and feel comfortable coming here , to my own blog. :-)

Then came the header. I wanted a plain header, nothing fancy, but I wanted it to have a design which would imply what the blog is all about. Well, my creative abilities are again non-existed, and so I wanted to go with a simple flowchart, making something I am good at, but the husband thought of something better. Something which resembles me a lot more, and he customized it to suit this blog.

Yes, the code in the blog is his idea. He wrote it in the Visual Studio IDE, and I made the flow chart using Visio 2010. And I integrated them all using Microsoft Powerpoint 2010. And lo… the header was ready, and am in love with it!

Now that everything is ready and set, all I have to do is to get into that kitchen of mine and cook… :)

[Cross posted in my food blog – www.themealalgorithm.com too]

Am from Shivalli…

Ideally, that is how I would like to introduce myself when anyone asks me where I am from. I generally resort to saying am from Karnataka or from Mangalore depending on whether am in a mood for a deeper conversation on that day. And then I smile and listen to how the other person says I don’t look like a South Indian at all. If it is someone who is familiar with how women from Konkan region look like, they will then admit that I look like someone they know, someone from Mangalore or Belgaum. But more often than not, people immediately say, I look like a Punjabi , because of my loud voice. Or a Gujarati because of the name. Or a Telugu, because of the surname. And then cringe in my mind. Why? Why don’t I look like a South Indian? Each of these attributes are because I am a Mangalorean. To be precise, a Shivalli Brahmin. Well, not many have even heard of this community.

Am missing home. And by home, I don’t mean my parent’s place or my own place here in Hyderabad. I am definitely missing Mangalore, especially my native place Ujire. Well, that place is almost a Tara for me, so to say… that place where I go to reaffirm that I belong to some place, and the place that reminds me that there are more of my kind. The loud, Tulu-speaking, boisterous , fun-loving crowd.

Well, its not hard to be thinking of your native and mother tongue when you are some sort of a minority among all the Tamil, Telugu, Hindi and Mallu speaking friends, colleagues and relatives. And when your native place is atleast 16 hours away from where you stay now. And the only people who speak your mother tongue are reachable through phone, and you don’t see them all that often. And you have to answer questions about the lack of written script for your  mother tongue. (Well, there IS a Tulu script, there apparently is a Mahabharata written in Tulu , one epic poem, and one Tulu movie even won a National Award)

Oh yes… I am missing the usual Tulu banter. All those phrases used in vernacular Tulu. I can still translate them and use them in Telugu or Kannada, but its not the same. Phrases like Chittu puli saibe , Ninno tare , Kebitu gaali potunu, Ninku marlu, Botri marayre, Beedi naayi which appear in vernacular Tulu do not mean the same when translated. Tell me if any of these make any sense to you – The guy selling oranges, Your head, There is air in your ears, You are mad, No, man, street dog. No, right? But use them to any Tulu-speaking person, and you’ll see the wide grin or may be even an incredulous look on his/her face.

What with people migrating all over India and the world, there are a lot of people who don’t live in the place that speaks their mother tongue. For popular languages like Telugu, Tamil, Punjabi, Gujarati, Malayalam etc, you will find someone speaking the same language including the same dialect in most Indian cities. But for Tulu, this is never the case. In the rarest of the rare cases that I actually found anyone speaking Tulu, I’ve noticed immediately that it is not the same dialect that I am used to.

Language is important in making a person feel at home or not. Other such parameters are food and people. All of which I don’t get to see as much as I would like to.

Mangalorean cuisine is different in terms of the ingredients , the vegetables and the style of cooking. There are a lot of yogurt based dishes, and there is almost zero usage of lentils. Almost all dishes have fresh coconut in them and there a lot of no-cook recipes too. There is a ton of difference in our staple breakfasts and the rest of the nation’s. In short, like all other regional cuisines in India, it is totally different and quite rare to find even in restaurants. Kodakene, Kodyelu, Saaru, Bajji, Rotti, Shavige, Gatti, Dose… These are staples in a Tulu household, and are unheard of in any other part of this country.

And then the people.

We, Tulus are a very loud community by nature. We laugh and talk in a very loud, boisterous tone. We make a huge spectacle out of everything. Words generally reserved for adult usage flow freely when we talk. Almost nothing is not suitable for children’s ears. Words like pinkan and pukuli which literally mean ass are commonplace in our conversations. There are just no inhibitions. Men have loud , crude jokes in the presence of an entire audience, and no one considers it rude.

At lunches, all the men remove their shirts, and sit in a straight line, showing off their pot-bellies and Janivaras . All of them utter the words ‘Govinda Govinda’ at once , and start on to polish off the sumptuous food off the plantain leaves, in one particular pre-decided-from-atleast-900-years order. (If you do not eat food in that order, your lineage is immediately questioned. ) And all of them get up from their lunches at the same time, always after the eldest man in the entire lot is done.

We can eat Dose for all three meals in one day. And like that for a full week, if needed. For festivals, all of us call our relatives, each of them mostly proprietors of a Udupi hotel in a different place, and talk about our menu for the day asking the same question – ‘Ini jaado special’ knowing the answer very well. And Dose is the prominent item in that. For Krishnashtami, Ugadi and Deepavali, our only festivals. And for birthdays or social gatherings. Dose & Chutney, it is! Its a mass-Dose-preparation-ritual for us, every day.

And the love for sweets , or desserts. There are almost always three to four varieties of payasams at our weddings. Couple of burfis , pelakkai gattis, Kukku rasayanas and paramanna feature in our menus, and dal will be missing in all our menus conspicuously. We just don’t eat Dal, you see. We make up for all that protein by drinking litres and litres of peru (milk) and chai.

All of us are united in our great love for saaru, and the saarus in all our houses taste almost the same. It is like literally everyone’s Mom had the same teacher for cooking in their school. And all of these women stock up on their Byadigi munchis. Goli, gujje, saute and amte are some of our vegetables which make some of the best dishes. Our pickles do not have oil in them and yet last for as long as you want them to and taste like a piece of spicy heaven.

We all love to eat anything with coconut oil. Dose, Idli , Kodyelu or Mudita uppuda with rice taste the best with coconut oil for us. We do not mind if the other person is squirming at the thought of eating coconut oil, for us its the healthiest ever. Oh yes, Parachute coconut oil is highly edible. For the record Parachute coconut oil is different from Parachute hair oil. Thank you very much!

All our social gatherings are because our Swamis or Mathadipathis are visiting our towns, and one rich Uncle is hosting the seer, more often than not in his paryaya. We all flock to him for his Ashirwada and some news about our collective hometown, Udupi or how the Krishna elephant behaved in the recent paryaya.

Almost all of us have grown up with our fathers talking about vyapara (business) which generally is hotel business. All of us have eaten Idlis, puris and masala dosas as breakfast for major parts of our lives, and will still order the same food when we eat outside. We would like to know how different these taste in other hotels, you see.

Almost all of us have memories of how our fathers have chased cars with Karnataka registration with the vain hope that they probably are from Mangalore, and came home with a carful of strangers only because they spoke Tulu. We all have shared our books, our rooms and our memories with kids we’ve never seen before and who will leave the next day, only because their parents spoke Tulu too, and our parents found a common connection in their third cousin’s fifth daughter’s in-laws’ cousin. Oh yes, we all are related. More often than not. And by the mere mention of our surnames, we identify each other which part of Mangalore they are from.

There is no men-will-sit-in-one-room-women-in-another attitude in our community. Everyone is welcome to talk to everyone they like, and all conversations always start with a wide smile and a ‘Encha ulleru, maama/maami?’ followed by a quick ‘Usharullera?’ and a bending down to touch their feet. Elders always ask the same question, no matter which time of the day you talk to them – ‘Ashana aana? Jaado tinderu?’ (literally means – did you have your meal? What did you eat?) and the younger ones rattle out the entire menu.

During festivals or celebrations, there is a mass-community-Namaskaram ritual. Everyone bends down on all their fours to touch the feet of their elders. We do that even if we see them, the elders of the family every day, on festivals, and even if we wear a new dress that day. Basically, there is a mayhem and confusion around Namaskara time, because everyone wants to touch everyone’s feet. We frown upon anyone who cannot get down to their fours and bend. What a sacrilege to not be doing that!

The Tulu girls are generally known to be more gutsy than Tulu boys, who are always mama’s boys, calling their Moms 8 times a day to update them about their days, ending up taking care of their Dad’s Udupi hotels and passing them on to their sons, making tonnes of money in the process. Tulu women are generally very pretty and look not a day older than 35 even when they are well beyond 50, and Tulu boys end up getting a bald head and a slight paunch by the time they turn 30, though I am told that times are changing these days, thankfully for the Tulu girls.

None of us, Tulu girls have heard the Gayatri Mantra being recited out loud in our houses, and we have not touched or cleaned the God’s pedestal till now, we are not allowed to, but that doesn’t mean we are discriminated. That is for the boys to do during their Gayatri recitations and Sandhya Vandanams, that’s all. Oh, and yes, we do Bhootaradhane and consider the Kolas a huge celebration.

And yes, we all speak one language more than the rest of you non-Tulu speaking folks. Telling people that Tulu is your mother tongue but you cannot speak it is frowned upon. There are so few of us that most of us do not want to not know our mother tongue. Forget passing it on to the next generation, we are doubtful if folks from our own generation will find enough people to speak Tulu with.

No, we are not proud of Aishwarya Rai, but we do mention that Prakash Raj is one of ours. So is Shilpa Shetty. And we are all particularly proud of Sunil Shetty, and more such folks.

You see, my culture is rich. As rich as any of the other cultures in India. Just that, there are so few of us, and so scattered that we are not as famous as the other communities for our idiosyncrasies or general behaviours.

Just because some of us do not live in or near our native place , and are not married to Shivallis, and do not have carry our Shivalli surnames in our names anymore , that does not make us any less of a Mangalorean.

Our hearts still yearn for Tulu, coconut oil and to yell ‘Ninno Pinkan’ (and be understood) out loudly to anyone who might irritate us…

What I miss…

 

Next month, I and the husband hit our 6th wedding anniversary.
Its nice being married this long, especially when you have not thought you’d do it yourselves. More so, when you both knew it was a gamble you were taking on and had even told that to yourselves and each other.

Being as different as chalk and cheese apart, sustaining a marriage this long with serious full time careers, pursuing independent hobbies, having enough space between each other, and still finding time to spend with each other is a big deal. At least for those of us who are commitment-phoebes even after having being married, i.e.., the two of us in this household.
Also, any two people who have no reason to be together except that they want to be and hence are.

Well, now you can now imagine how elated I feel every time we hit an anniversary. We made it to another year. With our head and heart intact. And sane too. A big big big deal!

Like I said, its nice being married this long. You would’ve shared all stories you’ve ever known. All experiences. All the people you’ve ever met. And all you have are stories you make together, people you meet together, and places you mostly go together.

You get comfortable around the person. You grow along with the spouse. You learn to laugh at and with your spouse. You make your own weekend routines. You have your own inner jokes. You arrive at your own holiday vacationing patterns.
Many things don’t have to be said any longer, they are implied and understood because that’s how you both have done them. For all these years.

Trust me, even for someone with a vagabond-ish heart expecting new things everyday, this kind of familiarity feels good. That’s me we are talking about.
There is just one thing I miss by virtue of having been married this long. Because of having known the husband all these years -

Butterflies. :-)
The ones that make their presence felt in your stomach when you meet someone special for the first time. That kind which makes you smile to yourself amidst a crowd. That very kind which makes you feel unsettled and want to call up that person every second minute. The ones which you feel when you anticipate the first kiss, the first touch and the first few moments you are alone together.

Yes, I miss that. :-)

True love… huh?

 

I was listening to Lana Del Ray’s songs and the whole discussion about true-love started in my mind between the eternal-cynic and the once-sentimental selves about what true love is, if it exists and if it really is over-rated. That’s when I remembered an old post of mine. Something I wrote back in 2008, when the song The Reason was on my playlist non-stop. Am pleasantly surprised to know that my thoughts about love have not changed much.

Some excerpts from the original post…

Does this kind of love exist?
I know love is beautiful, and its the best thing to happen to a person and all that jazz. I know you feel completed when you are in love, and I also know that its lucky to find love.
But this kind of love, the one mentioned in the song, like how you feel like holding the tears, how you can never ever forgive for giving her some pain... this one is beyond me.

Either I forgot how it is to be in love, that fresh feeling, or I never felt that kind of an emotion, both of which are okay. Coz I know that the fresh feeling will never be fresh, and the important feeling is the one that lasts, and if I never felt that emotion, that' is because I am not an emotional person, but it would be interesting to see someone who feels all this…

Is there anyone who has felt this all even after few years of togetherness?
I mean, does anyone actually feel this kind of love in real life, or is it all fiction?
I always thought no one would be as foolish as Scarlett O’Hara (the literary one, not yours truly) is, to give up everything you have in pursuit of one man!
I always thought violins-in-a-slow-tune never happen when people fall in love.
I always thought no man would leave everything he has and go behind his wife, like the protagonist in Zahir does. Yes, the reason he does that for is different, but the feelings he feels are profound!
Is there something like - you stay in his arms and you don’t want anything else? Naah, not for me atleast. I would enjoy the moment thoroughly, but then that is not life.
Is there really a Prince Charming? Is it enough if he just charms you and takes you in a pumpkin carriage?

Well, in my world, everything is practical & real.
I believe in love which makes me feel secure, and happy.
I believe in love which gives me my space and lets me grow.
I believe in love where I can share each of my feelings and get support/understanding in return.
I believe that I might miss someone terribly, but I can still be happy by myself.
At the same time, if I am not missing someone, it does not necessarily mean that I do not love the person the same way anymore.
I would want to stay in his arms, and look into his eyes, but that would be for the rest of my life, not for just a moment or two. If its for just a moment, I’d rather not have it. And I wouldn't do it with stars in my eyes, just a neat smile on the lips!

No, I am not talking about the whole soul mate concept here. I do believe in the connection between two souls. I, for one do not believe that there is just one soul mate. I believe that there are many soul mates. You meet them at different stages of your life. They don’t have to always be from the opposite sex.

Neither am I talking about the One. I do not believe that there is something like The One.
Mr.Right exists, but the catch is, there are always Mr.Right-s. Depending on where you are in your mind, or life, you meet a certain person who becomes your Mr.Right then. Its a great feeling if he continues to be the Right one forever, if you both learn together and grow together. If not, too bad. 

I, for once do not also believe in Love-happens-only-once-philosophy, or in true love at all.
If it is love, then it is true. Otherwise its just infatuation, lust or attraction. I even think that true love is highly over-rated.

I have contemplated on what I would do, if ever the person I love would leave me and go. Well, I might cringe and yearn for his company for a while, and miss him after that. After a while, I think I will get back to life.

My philosophy towards this is - As long as it was there, it was good. Now let me not spoil it by dwelling over it! From the time I have known love, I have been like this, and have enjoyed it this way. Always loved with all my heart and never regretted it!

Well, I wasn’t always this practical or cynical, if you decide to call it that. I used to be sentimental , trying to hold things in my fist and trying to control how my relationships grow or where they lead. If anything age has taught me , its that I don’t get anything by trying to be a control-freak. Age has taught me that -

If its meant to be, it will. If its not, it wont be.

Yep, so I can safely deduce that this kind of extreme love exists only in the songs, movies & books!

And if someone I know feels this kind of love, I would be amused... :) And yes, I would also want to know how they feel this way, may be I can take a few lessons.
After all, to one his own!

A little DIY…

We had a lot of glass liquor bottles from the wild days (that’s what I’d like to think of them, please don’t burst my bubble, now :-)) up the attic for a long time. They would’ve been there had it not been for the idea that we could use them to store water, and get rid of the plastic bottles. So that’s what these bottles have been useful for, scaring away innocent teetotallers who visit us for the first time, giving us enough gaalis from the family for having finished off so many bottles, and enough jokes for the both of us to laugh about thinking of all these.

Dad particularly bought into this idea a lot and started collecting these bottles for me. He’d give them to me every time I visited, the empty ones, of course, and I used these to grow my plants. The bamboos and the money plants, the low-maintenance ones which look beautiful when grown in these bottles thus giving a new purpose to their existence.

After that, I’ve started asking the husband to get me liquor when he was returning from this abroad trips which would look good when I place a plant in it. It didn’t matter what liquor it contained as long as the bottle was pretty, I told him, coz I wasn’t going to have it anyways, neither was he (This guy now sticks to his good old Kingfisher, and an odd rum these days) So this time again, I gave him this request, and an ultimatum to not come home empty handed. This time he came home with this bottle.

A beautiful blue coloured tall bottle of… Vodka, something that none of us ever had. Vodka had never been a favourite, and I lost all hopes of ever getting the bottle for my poor little bamboos. But then, due to the generous contribution of some good-natured friends, this bottle became empty in no time, and I got my bottle. Its mouth turned out to be too small to host any of the plants, so its primary purpose had been to store water, until this friend gave me an idea that it could be a lamp too.

So this is what we did – Coil in a long series of LED bulbs into the bottle and plug in power to them. Not great in spreading light, but this lamp is a sure-shot attraction to the corner where I work.

Now that there is something more we can do with these bottles, I am waiting for the husband’s next abroad trip. :-D

Gilmore Girls

 

Its like an obsession. A big big one. Every waking moment of the day I have, I want to watch the series. Currently in the Season 5 , Episode 20, I finished all the earlier ones in just a matter of 2 weeks, back to back, sometimes as much as 8 episodes per day, the maddest day being 11 episodes in one day, each episode being ~44 minutes long! :-)

Yes, the last time I felt this obsession was for Castle, and before that Friends, and I didn’t watch even these at this rate and urgency.

Its a need to find out what happens with Lorelai and Luke, what Rory does, and what trick Emily comes up with next in her attempt to do good to Lorelai… this list just goes on. But I guess what is keeping me hooked to this is the big crush I have on Scott Patterson, and the girl crush on Lauren Graham. Both of them incredibly good looking, and great actors.

Both their style of talking, the numerous pop culture references, the male suitors the Girls get… each of this is a reason…

Just in love with the series. :)

Why the Ink?

 

As a responsible adult with many teenaged nieces and nephews, I know I will have to face these questions a zillion times in future - Why the need to permanently ink yourself? What is that pressing a need that you needed to express yourself so loud, permanently? What were you thinking? 

I love the design I got inked with. It means a lot to me that what it looks like. And this is entirely the reason I went ahead with the tattoo. But there is a slightly deeper reason to it.

I might mince words, smile and pass off the questions or break out the honest answer depending on who asks these questions, but this is one place where I can be honest – Yes, I got myself inked because I wanted to. Simple. If I don’t want it in future, then I will still accept full responsibility to what I did, and deal with it the way I want to.
And no, I am not a rebel. I do not hate this world. I am not questioning the ways of the world. On the contrary, I love the world and my life and everything in it.

Call it the extreme influence of the books I read (Thank you, Atlas Shrugged!) or the very modern-thinking teachers I had in school, having grown up in an orthodox Indian middle class family, I have realized one concept - The only thing a human being wants ever in life is Freedom.

Financial freedom, Social freedom, Emotional freedom. Freedom to just be. Freedom to do what one feels like. Freedom.

The following lines sum it all up for me -

"I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."- John Galt

Obviously the society we all grew up in does not greatly love this idea of freedom. Since we are social beings, and have to live with one another and not in isolation, it is only valid and logical that we abide by the norms that the society dictates. Yes. Agreed, and entirely valid.

But as women, we face many more predicaments in our lives, which will go against what we want to do or believe in, and we end up doing what the society demands of us. In most situations we are forced to do things we do not believe in, or do not want to, but do it only for the sake of people around us. And most of these happen in home front, the one place where we logically should have all the freedom.

I, particularly still consider myself to be one of the luckiest women I know, having had the kind of free childhood I have had, the freedom I got in choosing my life and the way I want to lead it, the freedom I still have in doing the things I want to do in the way I want it to be done, at home and work and all. In spite of all these, I have found myself stifled couple of times… and that is when the whole desire for freedom crops up all over again.

To be what I want to be.
To do what I want to do.
To say what I feel like.
All without being judged!

I know it is asking for more, given the society we all live in, but the least I can do to assert to myself that I am an independent individual, fully in control of her life is to take a decision on what I do with my body! :-)

Rollback?

After having built, maintained and tested huge and complex systems for almost 5 years now, the first thought that enters my mind when I see any design is – Can it be rolled back? How much of an effort it is to roll this back? Can we make the rollback easier? What is the damage to the system when we rollback?
Call it a personality trait or work-seeping-way-too-much-into-life , I have started thinking about a rollback strategy for most of the things I do in my life too.
A small change to the house layout or design, and I go ahead on thinking about it only after I am assured that it can be rolled-back.
A change to the way I dress up or get my dresses is also considered only after my mind quickly calculates how to roll it back if it were to go wrong.
Any item of furniture that I even consider buying would be thought about after I find out multiple uses of the same, and I know that the look it gives to the house can be rolled back!

Even the ear and nose piercings I have had, I got them only after analysing a good rollback strategy. And I’ve rolled back them all. :)
Falling in love, getting married, buying a house or a book or a car, decision on whether to get a pet or not – I could do none of these without having my exit strategy clear, in my head. If there is no exit out of the situation, it doesn’t exist for me.
The deal has always been that I would not suffer the most damages!
Call it selfish, control-freakish or plain pessimist, Exit/Rollback has been the deal breaker always!
Booking a movie ticket or planning a holiday also will happen after having carefully thought of on what would happen if the plan doesn’t go well. What is the financial damage and if we can afford it? Basically, rollback strategy there also!
To this extent that, when I was getting inked, the ONE thought on my mind was, can this be rolled back?
And I knew it cannot be, atleast not as easily as the rest could be.
And that is exactly why I went ahead with the option of getting permanent ink on my body.
Yes, I had to break free from this commitment-phobia. From this fear of not being able to do anything without preparing for the worst.
Yes, it has been a mantra in life – Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
It has always helped me be peaceful in life, doing my best work where I like and not bothering about what the result could be.
Understanding fully well that I will get what I deserve in my karma, and no one take what is rightfully mine.
But the practical cynic in me has take the whole ‘prepare for the worst’ to a totally different level. Over the years, I’ve begun to think of the worst first. Plan for what I will do if the worst were to happen. Prepare the exit strategy so well that I will return from it unscathed or with little damage. Then go ahead and hope for the best, and give it my everything.
No, I do not like it. I do not do it on purpose. Its just the way I have conditioned my mind to think, and it certainly is not the most fullest way to live life.
The way to live life fully would be to go ahead and do what your mind asks you to do, without caring for the consequences. Impulse! What is life without a little impulse?
Would there be any adventure or excitement in life if you plan and re-plan every single step? No, right?
So when the thought of rollback entered my mind as the artist was just about to put the needle in the first time, I did not give it a second thought. I told myself – You are convinced about the design. You know the location is the best you can come up with. You know you will love this design forever. Then why think of a rollback? Go ahead with the tattoo, and experience this moment.
And that’s exactly what I did, of course after talking in detail about the whole tattoo-removal process with the artist ;-)
Even in this case, I have a rollback strategy. Even if the design doesn’t mean the same to me anymore after 10 yrs, it will atleast be a good memory to what all it means to me now. There, some people just cannot be changed! :-|
So the one adjective that might be missing from my life’s resume might be ‘Impulsive’. That I certainly am not. So every item I check off my Bucket List, would probably not be an impulsive move!
Even the most impulsive decision I took is actually the most planned, most thought after one! Ah, the irony!

25K!

They say registering for a run is half the job done. I sincerely hope so! Coz, I’ve decided to train for the Bangalore Ultra Marathon, and to the 25KM run in it!
Partly because I badly need to lose those few (or not really few!) extra kilos off myself, and partly to self-discipline myself. Training for a 25K would mean that I have to wake up early in the morning, sleep early at night and in general be watchful of what I eat, and how I run.
Another major reason is to self-justify those extra-expensive running Sketchers I got for myself last month! :)
Assuming that the race would be in mid-Nov, I still have ~18 weeks for the 25K run. And going by what majority of the fitness websites tell me, a sincere 10 weeks should be enough to do a half-marathon. But since I have never run before, I will mostly certainly need atleast 16 weeks.
Let us see how I sustain, I certainly intend to blog about my weekly routine. And please pray that I don’t drop off this in the middle and thus disgust myself forever!

Murphy’s favourite day!

 

Oh yes, if Murphy had to pick one day in my life that is his favourite, he would pick today! Totally! I would even go a step further and say he planned it so he can have a good laugh :)

Nothing else can explain today’s events…

As the guys were changing the flat tyre of a colleague’s car this afternoon when we returned from lunch, I stood there wondering what I would do if I were to have a flat tyre.

I knew all the stuff about changing the tyre and putting a new one , but only in theory.
But then if I were to have a flat tyre this very day, I would literally be stranded, because I had forgotten my phone at home, and the husband is not in town too.
Oh, I did not even know how to recognize a flat tyre or how it feels if you drive with one for a while.
Oops,  I did not even have the backup tyre in the car.

To assure myself that I can still do good if I were to be in a situation like that, I asked the colleague how I would identify a flat tyre, and he explained how different the driving experience would be. Thinking I got it all, again in theory, I nodded my head, taking mental notes on when I should get down the car if I were to be in a similar situation.

And it happened! All the above, at the same time! :)
Oh, and there was an icing on the whole cake, the unexpected rain, and the fact that I did not have an umbrella.
Of course, it had to happen, because today is Murphy’s favourite day, remember? And I hate getting wet in the rain!

Some realizations through the 90 minutes I spent on the road all by myself, driving for a good 2km before realizing that I had a flat tyre, getting wet in the rain, without a phone to call a friend, looking for an auto for a ride to the nearest tyre shop, talking to the auto-wala and the tyre repair shop guys…

Gentlemen are not the ones who wear those ties and formal shoes and look all dumb. The real gentlemen today were the guys I met at the tyre repair shop and the auto-wala. And yes, I did see/meet a pig or two on the road!

I have taken the words ‘Don’t Panic’ way too seriously.

‘The Secret’ funda actually works. :|

Never get out of the house without as much as a 100/- on you! This is the only place where Murphy did not have his full laugh, coz for once, I had some cash on me! :)

If you always look for an adventure/story/experience/learning in everything that happens around you, you bloody well will get it! :)

So there, with the wisdom halo all bright and sharp after this evening’s experience, I feel one step closer to Murphy! :P